Translation Check by Chrouya
Script: Black Rock Shooter - 05 [Edit-ScarletDevil].ass
Workraw: BRS 05 WR v2.avi

* ==> Sidenotes when needed

25
something feels off...
*It's that Mato notices something is wrong, not that she knows what is going on."

29
Cut and paste your favourite materials together as you please.
*suki na shizai, don't forget to include the favourite in the materials*
*hari awaseru = paste together. To arrange sounds a bit vague for that context*

48
*even though the verb is "to break", being "snapped" sounds better in English. Same definition here anyway.*

59
"It's your fault, right? You're the one who made Kotori Asobi like that!"
*desho always implies slight doubt. /anna ni shita/ literally means "~made someone like that", referring to Yomi's state of mind*

62
A heart boosts the recovery and regenerates again when it's wounded.
*takameru means to boost or raise, nothing to do with quick*

63
So it won't be hurt again.
*Logical word of effect used here*

67
Rapidly blending in many colours, her wings became dull.
*qc check? Blending is contextually different...also, it's an active sentence."

68
In the end, her wings turned black...and the little bird fell.
*if you want, the first part could still be used. However, it's not said in the anime*
*same as the sign*

69
"And fell..."

70
"And kept on falling..."
*keep the sentence going"

79
Don't!
*While I am really convinced you should use Don't! over Wait! See it as:
(Don't do it! Because if you do that, bad things will happen!) <-- Why use Wait! here? *

85
and once again flew through new, unexplored skies.
*again, no cause&effect sentence*

(
if you ever wanted to add more signs:
ことりとりのつばさはまっ白にもどっていました
The little bird's wings regained their white beauty,
ことりとりはめをまさしました
she opened her eyes
ことりとりはまたあたらしい〜
and once again few through new
)

112
You can see something interesting there.
*I prefer literally over figuratively*

113
I don't necessarily have to kill you right now.
*no omission of the sentence. Also, maybe italic the "right now" because she emphasizes it. Literally "here" instead of "right now", but that's strange in context.*

117
The art room.
(In context, she means the room, where the club has their activities. So room it is for me.)

123
*I'm okay with snapped*

158
She could never sit still in kindergarten and would immediately run off somewhere.
*the first sentence is grammatically incorrect (it says "could ran")*

168
yet I can't remember her clearly.
*Again, preferring literal translations.*

182
You see, that "someone" is not really someone else.
*what happened with the TLs here? totally off context*

183
At another place...

184
There's another you...

186
This other you is always fighting.

190
the real you is set free from all suffering and gloom.
*better English.*

202
Agony isn't something that can be resolved by dying or killing!
*the first part of the original sentence is grammatically wrong, 2 things cannot be " is something"*
*used resolved as you used it in the next sentence too*

203
You have to resolve it by talking and clashing with each other's feelings properly.

204
Relying on others for stuff like that is absurd!
*sounds different in context*

210
I'll be of your help.
*She's not just wanting, she IS going to.*

213
Mato, you really want to save Kotori Asobi, right?

214
You want to talk to her and clash with each other's feelings without relying on someone else, right?
*Change of context*

216
Resolving it by yourself will be painful. Very painful probably.
*Sounds better*

224
You'll have to confront it.
*again, literal above all else*

245 sign
In the end, her wings turned black...and the little bird fell.

246 sign
Art Room
(Not only for the club)